Watching the flames of the fireplace dance one Christmas Eve, my life changed. I was alone and feeling defeated. My heart was hurting, with feelings of failure dominating my mind. All I could see was the poor decisions I had made and loneliness. I had let the people I love, myself, and God down. Why did I not see this? How many times had I thought something was right and found it to be so very wrong. I felt broken. "Throw me a bone." Give me something to hang onto. I began begging and pleading for answers through my stream of tears, "please God what now?"
Nature called and as I entered the bathroom the words "Someone is trying to take being a nurse from me" came to my mind. What? I had not thought about being a nurse since I was a little girl. I already knew that it was not even an option. I am not smart enough to be a nurse. I looked in the mirror and wondered why I would think that? Was I officially going crazy!
When I walked back into the living room, I sat on the couch and glanced at the magazine I had just received. The cover of the magazine highlighted an article about careers. No, not just any profession, but specifically in nursing. At that point, I began arguing with God. That lightning bolt was for my neighbor Lori! "She is smart, compassionate, patient and reliable." That is not me. "You missed." Besides, I have a family, a job and the only nursing school is an hour away. There is just no way. Excuses were plentiful.
I noticed the fireplace was becoming dim. I walked over to grab some wood, and there it was. The kindling included newspapers. The top was the local newspaper with the headline about the nursing program coming to our community college. I had been begging for an answer, and in 10 short minutes, three coincidental signs had appeared. My initial thoughts were "oh crap; I am going to be a nurse." People often ask how God talks to you and then question it. My answer that night is obvious. "When He does, I do not question it." The following day while traveling to Christmas dinner, I mustered up the strength and let my husband know I had been called to be a nurse. He looked at me as if I had lost my mind.
The journey I embarked upon has been incredible. There are many stories to be told. One and a half years after that Christmas Eve, the girl "that did not have to be smart" graduated LPN school with a 4.0 average. Lol, and they say there is no such thing as miracles. It was only the beginning; this was how it started. Broken.
Be brave and fierce but always remain humble.
nan
