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My American Diary
free to be just me
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nan
Apr 22, 2022
In Upswing
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 NIV
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nan
Dec 29, 2020
In Upswing
Life is a series of journeys. Sometimes we are traveling several paths simultaneously, totally unaware of where we are headed. There are darkness and light, happy and sad mixed with utter confusion of what we are doing or where we are headed. We wander around aimlessly without realizing we are building the path towards our future. These are times when life has overwhelmed us and sucked us into circumstances rather than truly living the lives God intended us to live. It is hard to ask God for assistance because it would require us to look at ourselves, and we are not fond of this self-evaluation. God has a mirror, and when we see the reflection of ourselves is not a reflection of Him, it is humbling. One ends up sitting at a computer at 2 a.m., writing on their web page that they have not bothered to open up but a couple of times in the last two years. Maybe it is time. Maybe it is time to live life. Maybe the mirror will be bearable when the gentle reminder of the word GRACE comes into play. God's grace. He seems to continue loving me when I am not feeling particularly lovable. Thank you for keeping me safe on the journey. God, you seem to guide me even when I am not looking. Nan
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nan
Mar 01, 2020
In Nature Abounds Nuance
In 1998 I began talking with people around the world at a nursing site. I became aware of the different views people expressed about America, our culture, and our history. In the year 2000, several people on the site ridiculed me for being a Christian "conservative." I had told someone I would pray for them. I hate to admit it, but I had to look up the definition of conservative. I concluded that the understanding of both labels was a matter of perception. Both terms were being used to stereotype others with preconceived ideas. I believe today; stereotyping is choking the country.
9/11/2001 was a particularly eye-opening event for me. Visiting with people from around the world lead me to understand the freedoms we have in America. There were so many things I had always taken for granted. There was so much that I did not know—my thirst for our history and where our country is headed is never quenched.
The last 20 years have been an exciting adventure. My faith, my family, and my love for my country have all grown. I have enjoyed my career in nursing. Photography, writing, and flower gardening are my passions. The study of history through my heritage has taken a front seat in my time. It has been eye-opening viewing the history of our nation through this lens.
As my life evolves, I have found the phrase "free to be just me" is a journey, not a destination. I believe it is the essence of life in America. It is freedom worthy of standing for. Finding the beauty of individual thought and personal beliefs in others and for myself is so very freeing. Understanding I only speak for myself, express only my thoughts helps me learn from others. It frees me to see them as an individual doing the same. . Stepping off the primrose path to a journey guided by the wisdom of yesterday, the fearless vigor and faith today, with hope and confidence in America's character and virtue of tomorrow. Free to be just me, an individual woman in America. Today it is challenging to express ourselves as individuals without being stereotyped into a group or belief system. Even in today's political world, identity politics are at the forefront. These stereotypes can lead us down a very unpleasant rabbit hole. How does it affect my confidence and relationships with others? Does it lead to frustrations and anger? Where will it take American women? In the "free to be just me" adventure, how can I view myself and others without preconceived thoughts? Do I know who I am? How do I take care of myself? How do I continue to see others as the beautifully and wonderfully made women, they each are? Do I express my views confidently? It is the start of a great adventure! Mind and spirit create who I am and want to be. Challenge and growth daily can promote a dream. I will be bold and stand firm, tempered with reminding myself, always stay humble. Be brave and fierce but may I always remain humble.
Christy Dobrovolny (nan*)
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nan
May 16, 2019
In Upswing
When we open our eyes each morning and contemplate the day often our first thoughts are "I have to do this and that today. The first thing is first, and we go into the restroom, lol. Work, appointments, projects, errands, and everyday life begin slowly running through our minds. Weeding out the task not particularly appealing to us cross our thoughts. Ugh, I do not want to go to work, exercise, or sometimes even make coffee. After all, there are dishes in the sink that I did not do yesterday. Our routine life overwhelms our hazed early morning thoughts. Unexpected events begin before we have the time to wipe the sleep from our eyes. Perhaps the dog has peed on the floor. Maybe the cat has dug through the trash. There is the favorite, and the kid is barfing like scenes from the Exorcist. Waking up each morning and looking forward to the day can be an adventure. It is all too easy to start the day being the reactionary to life and then maintaining that mode all day long. We will always have bad things happen in life, but do I need to double down with my blase attitude? "It is what it is." But is it? The struggle is real." The "real struggle" is to embrace there is only going to be this glorious day one time in our lives. We have the opportunity of a fresh start of our journey. The battle is becoming aware of our self-accountability to our contributions to the day. Our health and personal outlook on life strongly influence our days. What am I going to do today that builds towards my dreams? How will my day today build a better tomorrow? Will I learn something today I did not know yesterday? Will I add value to those I love? Can I capture each moment of magic the new day brings? Be that little spark plug contributing to the engine call life each new day. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
May 14, 2019
In Upswing
The Broncos defeated the Patriots. People cheer with joy, and the victory celebrated. The winner of the competition raises the trophy, and the fans savor the win. In life, the word defeated can take on a much different meaning. Life can be a place where there are no competitors, no teams. How often have I felt I am in a funk? Things feel off for no apparent reason. Are their periods during life where we feel lost without understanding why? The word defeated sometimes play a role. It is an emotion word in this context. It is a feeling challenging to address. How often do we embrace the thoughts of being a failure without examining where we were defeated? Do we allow ourselves to examine "were we indeed defeated and by what? Feelings of such are deeply personal. Over the last couple of years, I have been feeling lost. I awoke last week with the vivid dream I was having that morning. It was of a patient pulling me close to their face and directly stating "you never forgot about me." I laid in bed evaluating the profound statement. It was the first time I was able to identify the feelings of being defeated. How easy is it to feel frustrated and not even acknowledge the root cause. How often can this feeling slip into life? I awoke feeling "defeated." The cool thing about identifying this was the following feeling of relief. My goal as a nurse was always to place the patient first. Every decision and every action must center around the welfare of the patient. I had never lost sight of this goal during my career. I was never perfect with my mission, but never lost sight of my purpose. I cried with a different understanding of why I had felt lost. It became a key to unlock many doors. I have been able to identify areas of my life where defeated comes to play. Feelings of being defeated are ugly yet when identified can be very freeing in the game called life. A new outlook and strategy can derive. It reveals the very core of our existence. Sometimes we must remind ourselves one picture does not tell the whole story. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
May 12, 2019
In Current Events
Many in America point across the ocean as examples of healthcare for all systems that work. Unfortunately taking a peek at the reality prevails the truth. Finland's universal health care just collapsed their government. They are not alone. Healthcare systems across the developed world have become stressed. I have read recently the model referred to for America is that of Canada. I worked side by side Canadian surgeons who came to practice in America. There was a reason. No matter who they look to, their would be many growing pains. Politicians running health care? Some say it is better than in the hands of insurance companies — two points on this. If you do not like your insurance, you can change insurance providers. You can report wrongful actions. How are you going to report the government indiscretions? The second point is our government regulates the healthcare system and always have. If I did not like it when they ran it through the insurance companies, why would I want them running it? My body my choice have consequences when we put them at the feet of the government and the politicians. Doing such things puts all new meaning to those words. Placing our family choices in the same place is of grave concern. The healthcare system in America needs addressed. Placing it in the governments hands puts layers of bureaucracy and corporatism. Why on earth the American people would place the very essence of our health in the hands of politicians is beyond me. They will make promises every election cycle for finances from here on. Be bold, stand firm and always remain humble, nan
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nan
May 01, 2019
In Upswing
The last week has been a series of the interruptions I call life. It started out sitting at the bedside of someone I love who had suddenly stared death in the face. She is back to her everyday life today. Another lesson that living this life is never genuinely routine. Opportunities scattered throughout the week. Talking with so many family members seems only to occur during holidays, festive events or funerals. Observing the strength and character of the younger generations of the family was a gift. When did they all grow into adults? How has time flown by so rapidly? Time stood still and presented many opportunities to talk, more importantly, to listen. Hour upon hour we were together during different scenarios. We displayed our weakness and our fears as well as our strengths and character. The roller coaster ride of emotions evoked helpless anger and tears of joy. Being home the last few days I have reflected upon the week. The dominating lessons I have learned are those centered around humility. I have never felt the impact of the lessons learned from the feelings of failure so strongly. I am genuinely grateful for every mistake I have made in life. I am thankful for the guilt I felt when I had let someone down. Every time I fell on my face and made wrong decisions has served a purpose that has never been so obvious to me. When broken to a point we feel irreparable is a gift in life. We endure through these periods with humility. It is not enjoyable. The results, however, grow our compassion. It paints a clear picture of everyone playing on the same level in this game called life. We are no better nor worse than the teammate standing next to us. It tells us life it's self foster feelings of inferiority; it needs no help from others or ourselves. It teaches endurance and reminds us to remain humble. Continue to endure the challenges. We all see things differently even when looking at the same view. Fall in love with your life, it really is the art of romance. Love is the greatest gift. We often forget this love includes ourselves and our lives. Paint your picture. It is an original. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 23, 2019
In Upswing
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." I sat and stared at the clock anxiously awaiting 2 pm. I anticipated the laughter dad gave as he would sweep me off the floor squeezing me with a bear hug. He had been at work since the early hours of the morning and was now arriving home. Most often we would then go to the basement where his tools hung on the pegboard wall. I would sit and watch with fascination as he built, fixed and tinkered with his newest project. On cold days we would start a fire in the old wood burning stove that stood in the corner of the darker area of the large cement room. I was very young during those days. My older brothers were at school. They would be arriving home soon, but these were the moments my dad gave me alone — the time we had where he made me feel special and loved. These are some of my earliest memories of my dad. He would tell me stories as he worked and gave me something he never stopped giving. He gave me love and support. I know it now by the terms "unconditional love." He never stopped giving it throughout my life. I never questioned for one split second the love my dad had for me or whether he would be there supporting me. Never. That does not mean he approved of everything I did nor that he did not confront my mistakes. It means he was there even when I did not think I deserved it. He had confidence in me even when I felt I had failed. He loved me through life events, even when I did not love myself. He would patiently wait when I pushed him aside, usually out of my guilty feelings of doing wrong. I often wonder how many people are out in the world today who have never had the opportunity of such a gift? An award that most likely had the most significant impact on my life. One I had received so freely. It would seem to be a right everyone should have, but just as most rights are, it was a privilege. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is the privilege all are gifted in America. When one looks upon their rights as a privilege, one bears the fruits of those rights. The history of dads life displays this to be true. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 19, 2019
In Current Events
Well yesterday they released the redacted Muller Report. Read the approximately 400 page report here. What President Donald Trump had to say about it as posted in the Daily Wire. For around 2 years there have been 19 lawyers, 40 FBI agents, Intelligence analysis, forensic accountants, 2,800 subpoenas, executed nearly 500 search warrants, 230 orders for communication records, almost 50 orders authorizing use of pen registers, 13 requests to foreign governments for evidence and the interview of approximately 500 witnesses. It reminds me of the saying that one is too many and a thousand is never enough. Who knows how the report will be used. Democrats are using words like impeachment and Republicans are looking to who and how this whole thing got started. All I know is much more time and American Tax Payers money will most likely be used for a very long time. Ben Shiparo Show today April 19, 2019had a pretty level playing field on the topic as shown below.
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nan
Apr 18, 2019
In Upswing
I spend time full of intentions without the time to complete. I sift through the priorities as the day goes by. Disappointments arise as I look to what did not get accomplished. I get frustrated by the interruptions. "well if this had not happened, I could have gotten that completed." I have come to realize the "interruptions" are life. No really, the interruptions ARE life. When I was very young, my dad shared how he viewed people. "You have to look for the good in people. People make up our lives so when we see only the bad in people, we see only the bad in life." It was easy seeing the good in people when I was young and naive. I grew older and found myself mislead. I was used or hurt by people that perhaps was not as good as I had thought. I sat and pondered, do I continue to focus on the good? Do I continue to give people the benefit of doubt? As an adult, I had a choice to make. My answer was yes. I am not saying that when I see a red flag that I do not run for my life, lol. I am saying, for the most part, I believe it is true. When I focus on the good in people, life is good. My outlook on life is a reflection of the relationships I grow. I think it is the same with interruptions. People are generally at the root of the disruption. There is the call from the school informing the parent their kid just broke their arm or the best friend who called to say "I am getting married." Interruptions in life vary from tragic events to the best surprises we experience. They are opportunities to add value to those who value us. It is an opportunity to embrace the value of life. Now I will make my list of intentions and see what life has in store for me today. ;) Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 17, 2019
In Upswing
This was posted in 2012 by a doc I worked with at the time. "So I found out today that health care reform that was supposed to save 1 trillion dollars over the next decade is actually going to cost an extra 430 billion. One of the cost-saving ideas includes shortening medical training by 30%. In the words of former President Reagan, "The most feared words in the American lexicon are, 'I'm from the government, and I'm here to help.'". Maybe if we get the GSA involved, we can find some efficiency." He then said, "Pack your chute cause nobody is flying this bitch." I must say, those are some well-spoken words of wisdom. ;) A bit of humor sprinkled with a dash of sarcasm and a dose of irony. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 16, 2019
In Upswing
Watching the flames of the fireplace dance one Christmas Eve, my life changed. I was alone and feeling defeated. My heart was hurting, with feelings of failure dominating my mind. All I could see was the poor decisions I had made and loneliness. I had let the people I love, myself, and God down. Why did I not see this? How many times had I thought something was right and found it to be so very wrong. I felt broken. "Throw me a bone." Give me something to hang onto. I began begging and pleading for answers through my stream of tears, "please God what now?" Nature called and as I entered the bathroom the words "Someone is trying to take being a nurse from me" came to my mind. What? I had not thought about being a nurse since I was a little girl. I already knew that it was not even an option. I am not smart enough to be a nurse. I looked in the mirror and wondered why I would think that? Was I officially going crazy! When I walked back into the living room, I sat on the couch and glanced at the magazine I had just received. The cover of the magazine highlighted an article about careers. No, not just any profession, but specifically in nursing. At that point, I began arguing with God. That lightning bolt was for my neighbor Lori! "She is smart, compassionate, patient and reliable." That is not me. "You missed." Besides, I have a family, a job and the only nursing school is an hour away. There is just no way. Excuses were plentiful. I noticed the fireplace was becoming dim. I walked over to grab some wood, and there it was. The kindling included newspapers. The top was the local newspaper with the headline about the nursing program coming to our community college. I had been begging for an answer, and in 10 short minutes, three coincidental signs had appeared. My initial thoughts were "oh crap; I am going to be a nurse." People often ask how God talks to you and then question it. My answer that night is obvious. "When He does, I do not question it." The following day while traveling to Christmas dinner, I mustered up the strength and let my husband know I had been called to be a nurse. He looked at me as if I had lost my mind. The journey I embarked upon has been incredible. There are many stories to be told. One and a half years after that Christmas Eve, the girl "that did not have to be smart" graduated LPN school with a 4.0 average. Lol, and they say there is no such thing as miracles. It was only the beginning; this was how it started. Broken. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 13, 2019
In Upswing
Close to graduating a local women's group invited the high school senior girls to a tea. We arrived and participated in fun activities and refreshments. Towards the end of the gathering, a lady approached me. She tapped my cheek assuring me with the words "no worries, you do not have to be smart; you are pretty and will marry well." Although I felt she meant well, I found the words unsettling and certainly uncomplimentary. The impact of words can be life-changing. Some we never forget as our lives move forward. Often the words grow up is used in a negative contest such as "when are you going to grow up?" Images flurry through a mind as people ask our youth "what are you going to be when you grow up?" The implications to chose one station of arrival to define who we are can be a rather tough challenge. One evening when I was in nursing school (for my RN) I had the opportunity to visit with a doctor I had grown to admire. We were discussing different changes in techniques of drug administration. After battling cancer and winning, his lease on life was fast paced and full of vigor. It seemed he could not experience enough and endeavored to do his best always. Later I was assigned a rotation in his office. Fellow students had told me to wear my roller skates as this man moved so fast it was hard to keep up with him. I arrived at his office and began following from patient to patient finding they were right. I found the rapid pace was not the challenge. The challenge was keeping up with the questions he asked me and his ability to think so fast. I confess I guessed with many of my answers and was lucky to get them mostly correct. We entered an exam room. He introduced me and followed with "she is a nursing student." She is not going to be just any nurse; she will be a leader of nurses." I was humbled and felt unworthy of such a statement. I wondered what he saw in me that I certainly did not feel. His words of confidence are words I will never forget. When I look back in my life, there have been many times where one statement influenced my life. Some were from people being very unkind and others that gave me the confidence to move forward. Both can be an incentive to improve, but only one values the individual. Growing up is not finding the one station in life to define who we are. It is an ongoing process. I can never grow up; I can only keep growing upwards. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 11, 2019
In Upswing
Drop off kids at school, drop the car off for a check-up and start my daily tasks. So much for planning the day. After leaving school, the car died. I started walking the short distance home only to find myself on an icy sidewalk. I skied down to the gutter and into the street, thinking to myself "do not fall again." No cars were coming, and I saw no witnesses of my awkward displace of grace. Just fifteen more minutes chuckle, and my battery would have made it to the appointment. Fifteen short minutes. After arriving home, I sat in my chair huffing and puffing and freezing. My husband looked at me and ask "what's up? I said, "I did not break my neck just now so life is good." Life is such a matter of perspective. When I was pregnant it seemed there was an unusual amount of women who were expecting. When I had a red car, suddenly there were many red cars on the highway. I have often heard "what you focus on grows" and I believe it to be true. How often has someone pointed out a characteristic about someone I had not noticed before, then began seeing the person differently. Sometimes good qualities, other times not so complimentary. It became apparent a person can see in others what we are looking for by magnifying specific actions or words. It does not make the summary of the individual correct, only biased. How often do I look for positive solutions in life rather than dwelling in the problems? Life lends itself to many forms of accountability. Much of the results hinge on our perspectives. Reality is often created by what we choose to see and set forth to create. Misery has many bedfellows. Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 10, 2019
In Upswing
What would my great grandmother think if I could talk to her today? Walking to my car after a long shift I was reveling at today's technology. I had just worked with a machine which targeted a tumor in the brain through virtual reality. We could go directly to the tumor in the operating room minimizing the ill side effects. Wow! I drove to the closest drive-through window to pick up food in preparation for my two-hour drive home. I wondered what my great grandmother would think if I were able to communicate with her. Better yet her parents. Technology has advanced in my lifetime to a degree its hard for me to believe it. Would my ancestors think I had lost my mind? I can order any food I desire and have it within minutes. As they handed me my drink, it dawned on me that ice alone would be a treat. I could drive one hundred and twenty miles before my ice even melts. A trip of that length in a horse and buggy may not have been so pleasant. Lol, I can listen to every variety of music or news while having my climate controlled. As I passed a car, I could see the glow of the screen in the back while children were viewing a video. I can talk to anyone in the world with a handheld device which also gives me any information my mind wants to know. Yes, they would think I had lost my mind. Technology has advanced further since my ride home that night. Life is amazing. Looking from my childhood to today indeed leads to an attitude of gratitude. We conduct a life of luxury today I can not take for granted. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 08, 2019
In Upswing
Tuesday night PBS will air "Reconstruction: America After the Civil War" April 9th 9/8central time. I plan to watch this with an open mind. It is tough to do in today's political climate where the focus seems to be on dividing our nation through identity politics. Emphasis placed on negativity combined with the finger pointing to fulfill an agenda makes it difficult to filter through our history. Today's attitudes are on full display reading in the comments area where PBS has set their ads. The period the program is addressing is of great interest to me. Some artifact found in "the box" lead me to research this portion of history. It is an emotional study and heartbreaking. I am awestruck by the strength of many individuals noted in this time. I wonder how they had the tenacity to endure. Their stories are inspiring. Racism is alive in our country today. I do not believe it belongs to just one group, area, or belief system. Discrimination and prejudice do not belong to only one race. It is as scattered as dust blowing in the wind. Division potentiated by stereotyping and hateful accusations is not a constructive solution. Self-evaluation, individual accountability and seeking compassion for one another create paths of healing. Our country needs healing rather than divisiveness. Barbara A. Cannons book The Won Cause explores "Black and White Comradeship in the Grand Army of the Republic. Glimpses of hope even during the time of history covered in the PBS program Tuesday, are in this book. “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” Martin Luther King Jr. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 05, 2019
In Upswing
One of my favorite authors and speakers is Dr. John Maxwell. Found this this morning. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 04, 2019
In Upswing
Enjoy Life Now, Not When. While reading this morning, a few things caught my eye. The impatience with attaining a goal reminded me of driving to visit family in North Dakota. The trip takes twelve to fifteen hours before arrival. The kids would ask "are we almost there," phone calls inquiring of time of the appearance, and the anticipation of seeing our loved ones capitalized our thoughts. We could not get there fast enough. After several trips, something occurred to my husband and me. We were going to have to make our travel time part of our vacation. Driving through parts of the heartland of America is a breath of fresh air. Observing the various crops and the landscapes of mother nature are fantastic. We rarely pass through Rapid City without taking note of a past comment of a four-year-old asking if we were to "fast town" yet. Lol, kids. When we are tired stopping to spend the night somewhere along the way has enlightened us to attractions in various communities. Such is life. Look, find the adventures in live, and laugh. Remember laughing releases endorphins. Endorphins result in pain relief, along with our sense of well being. It also calls upon the "good guys in white hats" referred to as antibodies which strengthen our immune system. Have a good belly laugh and inhale the oxygen. The exercise increases your circulation making your heart happy too. My laugh is kinda loud and scary at times but literally heart felt. Ha! Don't wait on when. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble. nan
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nan
Apr 03, 2019
In Upswing
Different As Night And Day I was telling my sister that catching up on current events on social media during the early morning is much different than late at night. Most likely by the end of the day, many are reflecting humor to relax. Music videos, jokes, and parody intermingle periodically across the screen. For many years I woke up and went to work very early in the morning. I also wore a pager. When the pager alarmed, you didn't "kinda" wake up when life and death situations are occurring. Hours of work are ahead of you. To the staff in operating rooms across the nation who worked all night, I thank you! There is personnel in related medical fields who do this routinely. Often times they are the unseen heroes of America. Working a regular shift then taking call is interesting, to say the least. The result for me was having no concept of time. I will wake up and shower at two o'clock in the morning, sleep when time permits and a routine is just words. There are benefits to this. Watching society throughout the twenty-four-hour time span is one. I awoke at four this morning, though I would go back to sleep but didn't. I looked at my social media, and the first two posts had me laughing out loud. Oh, those late night people. I attribute some of this to the beverages of choice, lol. I love early mornings and my coffee, so out of bed, I went. Early mornings are like celebrating the New Year every day. It is a whole new beginning, a fresh start and I can list all the resolutions to my day as I please. Listening to the birds, sitting in the dark gives me an opportunity. Self is not quite awake and the distractions that come with the day have not arrived. I am the vessel listening to the captain. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble nan
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nan
Apr 02, 2019
In Upswing
I started the day out wondering what to write. I read about the Christians murdered by Boko Haram terrorist in Nigeria. Continuing my reading the negativity grew. There is so much going on in the world. Taking a news vacation may be a great idea, but I know me better than that. Finally, I came across a video about the effects of the bomb storm in Nebraska someone had made on Facebook. The visuals were alarming, the statistical facts were interesting, and the support was heartwarming. In the Midwest rural regions of our country friends helping friends and neighbors assisting neighbors are honorable traits. We are there for each other. The core of humanity shines through the people. I can not post the video here, it is a Facebook video. It is on the Facebook page of My American Diary. There now, good news on a bad news day. Be brave and fierce but always remain humble nan
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nan
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